After 18 years of marriage and homemaking, I’ve tried a lot of different things.
Some ideas worked so well that they’ve become part of our everyday life.
And some didn’t.
Over the years, I’ve learned that sometimes knowing what to stop doing can be just as helpful as knowing what you should do.
So if I could sit down with the younger version of myself there are a few things I would tell her.
Maybe some of these lessons will save you a few years of frustration too.
1. I Stopped Making Complicated Meals
Early in my homemaking journey, I thought being a good homemaker meant constantly trying new recipes.
I spent a lot of time looking for recipes on Pinterest, and many of them called for special ingredients that I didn’t normally keep in my kitchen.
So I’d have to buy ingredients I had never used before, use a tiny portion of them for one recipe, and then try to figure out what to do with the rest.
It cost more money and took more time. And because I wasn’t a particularly experienced cook yet, many of the meals didn’t even turn out very well.
Doing that multiple times a week became incredibly frustrating.
Eventually, I realized something important:I didn’t need to become a gourmet cook. I just needed to get good at making a few simple meals my family enjoyed.
Today, we have a rotation of around 20 favorite meals that we make over and over again.
And I’ve learned to let one part of the meal be the “star.”
If the main dish requires more time or effort, I keep the sides simple.
That might mean roasted potatoes, canned green beans, frozen broccoli with some seasoning, or sliced apples.
There’s no reason every part of dinner needs to be complicated.
The less complicated dinner is, the more likely I’ll be motivated to make it!
2. I Stopped Expecting My Husband to Read My Mind
This one took me longer than I would like to admit.
Especially early in our marriage, I expected my husband to know when I needed help.
If I was overwhelmed with the house or the kids, I assumed he could see everything I saw.
And when he didn’t step in, I’d become irritated with him.
I sometimes assumed he was intentionally ignoring the things that needed to be done.
That created resentment, complaining, and nagging. And ultimately pushed my husband away rather than making him want to help.
Eventually, we had a conversation that changed the way I looked at this.
I realized that my husband wasn’t intentionally ignoring my needs.
He simply didn’t see everything the way I did.
He’s wired differently than I am.
And, of course, he can’t read my mind any more than I can read his.
I had been assigning bad motives to him that he didn’t deserve.
So I had to learn to communicate.
Instead of expecting him to figure out what I needed, I began telling him when I was overwhelmed and specifically asking for help.
I also had to become much more honest about the way I was speaking to him.
I started asking myself: “Would I want him to talk to me the way I’m talking to him?“
Usually, the answer was no.
That meant changing my tone, choosing kindness, and learning to communicate my needs clearly.
After 18 years of marriage, I still don’t do this perfectly. There are times when I need to apologize for how I’ve spoken to him.
But those simple conversations have eliminated so much unnecessary frustration in our home.
I’ve also learned to be thankful when he helps even when he doesn’t do something exactly the way I would have done it.
The important thing is that the task got done.
3. I Stopped Feeling Guilty for Resting
This may be the lesson that has brought the most peace into my homemaking.
For years, I thought a good homemaker should always be productive.
Always doing something.
Always accomplishing something.
If I sat down to rest, I felt guilty. I felt lazy.
But eventually I realized if I were working outside the home, I would actually be expected to take breaks.
I’d have a morning break, lunch, and an afternoon break.
Yet somehow I had convinced myself that I wasn’t allowed to rest simply because I worked in my home.
I had to change the way I thought about rest.
God created us to work, but He also created us to rest.
Rest isn’t the enemy of productivity.
Sometimes rest is what allows us to continue doing our work well.
So I gave myself permission to rest.
I have a flexible plan for my day that helps me take care of the important responsibilities, but it also leaves room for rest.
When my children were little, we had afternoon naps and then transitioned into afternoon rest time.
Even now, as a homeschool mom, I need that break.
My children are with me all day, and sometimes my brain simply needs some quiet after answering questions and helping with schoolwork.
So most afternoons, we still have a time of rest.
It doesn’t happen perfectly every day, but I try to make room for it.
And I’ve found that I don’t have to feel guilty about it.
4. I Stopped Giving My Kids Too Many Chores Too Quickly
When I decided that I wanted my children to help more around the house, I made another mistake.
I gave them too much responsibility before they were ready.
For example, when my son was younger, I decided he could clean our basement bathroom.
It’s a small bathroom. He needed to clean the toilet, mirror, sink, countertop, and floor.
I showed him how to do it once, and I supervised him the second time.
Then I handed him a list of instructions and told him to take over.
A few weeks later, I noticed the bathroom wasn’t getting as clean as it should.
And I realized that the problem wasn’t that my son didn’t want to help.
I had simply given him too much to learn at once.
So I changed my approach.
Instead of teaching him the entire bathroom, we began breaking the chores down.
One month, one of my children focuses on cleaning the toilet.
The next month, the sink and countertop.
This allows my children to repeat the same task over and over until they became comfortable with it.
It is easier for me to teach, and easier for them to learn this way.
5. I Stopped Trying to Copy Someone Else’s Cleaning Schedule
When I first became a homemaker, I spent a lot of time on Pinterest looking for the perfect cleaning schedule.
I’d find beautiful printables and put them on my refrigerator.
And then, eventually, I’d stop following them.
I’d wonder: “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I stick to this?“
But eventually I realized the problem wasn’t necessarily a lack of discipline.
I was trying to force someone else’s life into mine.
Someone else’s schedule might work beautifully for her, but that doesn’t mean it will work for me.
My days, responsibilities, home, and family are unique to me.
So instead of trying to follow a perfect cleaning schedule, I learned to be flexible and find what works for me.
And that flexibility has made homemaking much more peaceful for me. I shared more about how I don’t use a schedule to clean my house here.
Homemaking is about learning what works for your family and your home, being willing to make adjustments, and giving yourself grace along the way.
After all these years, I’m still learning.
And I’m sure I will continue to learn.
You don’t have to do homemaking perfectly to create a peaceful home.
Sometimes, a little less pressure is exactly what you need.