Have you ever asked your kids to do something around the house, only to find yourself asking over and over?
Eventually, you’re frustrated, they’re frustrated, and you end up doing the chore yourself because it’s just easier.
I think every mom has been there.
You want your children to help around the house. You know they need to learn responsibility. You want them to grow into capable adults who know how to care for themselves and their homes.
But actually getting them to do their chores without constant nagging can be a completely different story.
After 12 years of motherhood, I’ve learned a lot about teaching my kids to help around the house.
And one of the biggest things I’ve learned is this: getting your kids to do chores isn’t really about getting help. It’s about training them.
Children Don’t Automatically Know How to Do Chores
I think one of the biggest mistakes we can make is expecting our children to automatically know how to do chores.
We know how to load a washing machine, sweep a floor, tidy a room, or clean a bathroom.
But our children aren’t born knowing how to do those things.
Sometimes we tell them to clean their room, they do a poor job, and we think, “Well, it’s easier if I just do it myself.”
And sometimes it really is easier.
But when we continually do things for our children that they are capable of learning to do themselves, we’re missing an opportunity to teach them skills they’ll need for the rest of their lives.
I’ve had to remind myself many times that my goal isn’t just a clean house today.
My goal is to raise capable children who know how to care for their own homes one day when they leave mine.
That’s a much bigger goal than getting a chore checked off a list.
Break Down the Chore Into Steps
I’ve also learned that, especially when my children were younger, they weren’t always being disobedient when they didn’t do what I asked.
Sometimes they were simply overwhelmed because they didn’t know where to start.
When my son was younger, if I told him to clean his room, he would look around like he had absolutely no idea what to do first.
So I learned to break the task down for him.
I’d say, “First, make your bed.”
Then, “Put all the cars in your car bin.”
Then,“Put your shoes in the closet.”
And we’d keep going until everything was put away.
It took longer to do it this way.
But I wasn’t just getting his room clean. I was teaching him the steps to clean his room.
I was helping him learn to look at a messy room and see the individual things that needed to be done instead of seeing one huge, overwhelming job.
It has taken years to train and guide him.
He’s gotten so much better, but there are still times when I need to give him some direction.
The difference is that I’ve learned not to stress about him having a perfectly picked-up room like I used to.
I’ve become much more patient.
And I’ve learned that training takes time.
Chores Are Training
This has probably been one of the biggest mindset shifts for me as a mom.
Chores are training.
I’m not simply getting my kids to do chores so there is less work for me.
I’m training them.
Now that my kids are in upper elementary, they are a big help with many things around the house. But that is no longer my primary goal.
My goal is to teach them skills and character that will serve them throughout their lives.
And training takes time.
It requires patience.
It requires repetition.
And sometimes it requires doing something alongside your child many more times than you thought you would have to.
When my children were little, I spent a lot of time showing them exactly how to do things.
And sometimes I had to show them over and over and over again.
I remember watching one of my children sweep and somehow move every crumb around the kitchen without actually getting any of them into a pile.
I realized they weren’t being lazy.
They genuinely didn’t know how to sweep.
So I slowed down and taught them.
Now my children know how to sweep, but it took a lot of repetition and help from me.
Children need practice just like they need practice learning to read, riding a bike, or tying their shoes.
Eventually they get it.
And then there’s always something new to teach them.
I’ve realized that I’ll probably be training and teaching my children new things until the day they leave home.
And that’s okay.
Teach One New Skill at a Time
Right now, every couple of months, I try to teach my kids one simple new skill.
At first, I tried to have my son clean the entire downstairs bathroom.
I quickly learned that was too much.
So I broke it down.
Currently, one of my kids is simply cleaning the toilet bowl, while my other child wipes down the bathroom sink and countertop.
They’re focusing on one simple task until they get really good at it.
And that has worked really well for our family.
You don’t have to give your children a huge list of chores all at once.
Instead, think about what they are capable of learning right now.
Choose one task.
Teach them how to do it.
Practice it with them.
Check their work.
Then, when they’ve mastered it, you can add something else.
This approach takes more time initially, but you’re building skills that will eventually make things easier.
Check Their Work
Another important part of teaching children chores is following up.
I check my kids’ work after they finish.
Not because I expect perfection, but because I want to make sure they actually know how to do the chore correctly.
If I never check, they can easily start slacking off or develop shortcuts that don’t actually accomplish the task.
My kids know that I’m going to check their work, and that often motivates them to do it correctly the first time.
And if something isn’t done well, I can simply show them what needs to be done differently.
Again, this goes back to the idea that chores are training.
I’m not simply checking whether they completed a task.
I’m making sure they’re learning the skill.
Start With Their Own Belongings
If you’ve never had your children do chores, or you’ve tried in the past and it didn’t stick, I would encourage you to start with things that belong to them.
Before my kids were helping with household chores, they were responsible for their own belongings.
- Toys
- Shoes
- Bags
- Books
- Dirty clothes
Even a toddler can begin learning these habits.
When my kids were just one year old, I started training them to take their dirty dishes to the kitchen after meals.
They couldn’t reach the countertop on their own, but they could carry their plates and silverware to the kitchen. I would help them place everything on the countertop next to the sink.
As they got older, they learned to scrape their plates and throw away their napkins.
Now that my kids are 9 and 12, I never have to remind them to clear their plates.
It’s simply a habit because it’s something we’ve always done.
But it has taken years.
And I think that’s something we forget.
We see another mom whose kids seem to know how to help, and we wonder what we’re doing wrong.
But sometimes we’re simply seeing the result of years of training that we didn’t see.
Don’t Overwhelm Your Kids With Chores
Another thing I’ve learned is that kids don’t need a giant chore list.
Sometimes we overwhelm our children because we’re thinking about everything that needs to get done.
But our children don’t need to learn everything at once.
Instead, I introduce responsibilities gradually.
One new task.
Then another.
Then another.
This is especially important when children are younger.
When children are taught to contribute according to their abilities, you’re not only getting help around the house. You’re teaching them valuable life skills they’ll carry into adulthood.
And that’s really what we’re after.
Not perfectly completed chores.
Not perfect kids.
Just raising capable, responsible people one step at a time.
This is actually something I talk about more inside my homemaking course, The Motivated Homemaker Blueprint.
Because one of the biggest sources of overwhelm for moms is feeling like they have to carry the entire household themselves.
Teaching your children to contribute can eventually become a huge help—but it starts with training.
Use Chore Charts as Visual Reminders
Very practically speaking, I’m a big fan of using lists as visual reminders for my kids.
I have a printout of their weekly and daily chores along with some of their individual homeschooling tasks.
They like having the charts and knowing exactly what’s expected of them.
And I like not having to remember everything for them!
A visual reminder also means I’m not constantly saying:
“Did you do this?”
“Did you remember that?”
“Go do your chores.”
The list can do some of that reminding for me.
It gives my kids a little more ownership over their responsibilities while still giving them the structure they need.
Don’t Grow Weary in Motherhood
And before I finish, I want to encourage you with something that I think is easy to forget when we’re in the middle of all of this.
Training our children can be exhausting.
Sometimes you’re saying the same thing for the hundredth time.
Sometimes you’re teaching them something you feel like they should already know.
And sometimes you wonder, “Is all of this really making a difference?”
Galatians 6:9 says:
“Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”
I think that applies so beautifully to motherhood.
Sometimes we don’t see the harvest right away.
You may feel like you’re constantly teaching, reminding, correcting, and training, but that doesn’t mean your work is pointless.
There is a harvest coming.
And we don’t have to do this in our own strength.
When motherhood feels hard, we can rely on Christ.
We can ask Him for patience when we’re frustrated, wisdom when we don’t know what to do, and strength when we feel like we have nothing left to give.
And I also think we need to remember what a gift this actually is.
Being a mother and having the opportunity to raise these little people into capable, responsible adults is an incredible gift from God.
We don’t know what God is going to do through their lives.
The children we’re training today may someday be husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, teachers, business owners, friends, neighbors—people who influence countless others throughout their lives.
And we get to have a part in that.
You may not see the results immediately.
But little by little, you’re building habits and teaching skills that can last a lifetime.
And that is one of the beautiful parts of homemaking: the small things we faithfully do each day can have an impact far beyond what we can see.